Funny Stories - Car Related

[HuGo]

So what are some funny stories youve heard thats related to cars? Lets here the stories youve heard that are funny or the teller is just a plain retard. Lets make this the thread as the "Funny/Stupid/Redic. stories"

So i was working the other day and we were talking about swaps and honda stuff. Long story short, a member in my team says.... "Yea, my friend has a Civic Hatch with an LS Vtec, that **** is quick, when the Vtec kicks in, all he does is spin tires." So i said "oh yea, when the vtec in my gsr kicks in all i do is do 360s." I swear i wanted to laugh in his face when he said that. Me and like 3 other guys start to laugh later cuz we all have vtec's in our cars. S2000, accord, and my gsr.

Why do people swear that vtec is like some crazy sh!t. People swear that vtec is like NOS or something. As far as i know, when vtec kicks in, you dont twirp tires and you feel like a massive kick and your neck snaps back. When ive kicked the vtec in, i dont feel an out of a sudden pull, i just hear the engine get louder and probably just go faster since your obviously your at 6k+ rpms. People make it seem like when vtec activates, your getting an outta of a sudden 100hp boost.

[HuGo]

Then he says another friend of his is doing 11s with a Kseries hatch and put 120G + into the car. Then my other team member challenged his friend with his Camaro SS Supercharged (he told him to ask his friend if he wanted to run), then he comes back saying that his friend bla bla bla just Bee Essing. Later my team member with the camaro found out that this guys friend didnt build that Kseries hatch, he knew the person who originally build it and sold it to his friend and said it doesnt do near 11s

[brucetodd]

Honda guys always try to do that. Mostly because they don't know what the VTEC does. They just want to talk about something they think they know. Anyway the VTEC just changes lifter timing, and opens more valves at Higher RPM's.

[Mad-Machine]

Vtec is like having two cams.. a nice one for idling and toodling down the road and a hairy long duration one for high RPMs.. while it should allow some "kick" there is not enough to snap your head back.

[tastade]

VTEC is really cool, one of the earlier variable valve timing systems and was available even on Honda's base car and not just the NSX. All it really does is give you an extra 2000 or so RPM, that does make the car significantly faster, probably performs like it has 10 or 20% more horsepower than it actually does. It basically allows a small engine to have a wider torque curve and not have to be tuned for only high end or low end.

Honestly, I prefer the Honda 4 cylinders to the M42/M44, which is a fine engine, don't get me wrong, but it is nothing next to the Honda B18C5 (Integra Type R, 200 hp from an NA 1.8L).

An LS/VTEC is a frankenstein engine assembled from various heads and blocks from the Honda motors, and a lot of the projects seem to be getting around 200 NA horsepower from them. That is a lot of power for a 2200 lb hatch. That puts the weight to power ratio at 11, our 318ti stock is about 20. That hatch would blow us away, and probably be at least equal, if not faster than a DASC setup.

He probably does have trouble putting the power down to a FWD that already burns out with 106 hp. Remember that FWD cars spin their tires much easier than a RWD car, especially when they have an open differential. Are they burn out machines for spinning 360s? No.

[tastade]

For funny stories.

I was given an old 1983 Tercel 4x4 Wagon, even had a 6 spd manual transmission. But with a rated 50+ hp, it was not exactly fast. It had only 212k miles when I got it (very low mileage for these cars, they often have over 300k and many have over 500k). Anyway, it had been neglected. It hadn't had an oil change in at least 12k miles, and more likely not in the last 30k miles, it burned some oil and the oil in the car was sludge. I did change the oil right away and took it for a drive to see how it would run.

I decided to take it for a drive up the summit (a local stretch of I-80 that goes into the mountains where I lived in Wyoming). I start up the hill, a fairly steep 5 or 6% grade, and I am holding it at about 65 mph at the bottom (the fastest I can go), and as I start to climb the hill the speed keeps slipping, 55, 45, ... this can't go any slower... 40, ...black smoke belching out the tail pipe... 35, ...ahh @#$@ this can't get any slower... 30 ... temperature gauge rising rapidly ... 25, ... the underpowered jeep 4 cyl pulling an oversized uhaul passes me... 20, ... ahh crap, I am not even going to make it up... 15 ... temperature gauge at red, heater on full blast hot, tail pipe smoke looks like an overloaded diesel (this is a gas engine)... KAPOW!!!! ... something exploded, black smoke screen behind me, pull off onto the shoulder...

But wait, something was happening, as I pulled off onto the shoulder the car started accelerating. Hey, it is running better, my power is back. Car accelerated back to 55 or 60 mph by the top of the hill, temperature back to normal. When I got to the top I stopped and checked to see what happened the muffler had ruptured because it was over 90% blocked, all carbon deposits.

Moral to the story? I don't think there is one, but if you only drive in the town you should occasionally drive your car on the highway to keep it running good, town driving tends to cause carbon deposits and other problems since the engine might not reach full operating temp.

[BleMW]

i knew a girl one time with a sweeeet ass camaro..

anyway, we were on i-95 headed southbound toward richmond around 8:00pm and she started braggin yadayada about how fast her car was. So we are talking about cars for maybe 5 minutes and I stated that the new exige could take her -

this must have upset her (don't know why - she's silly sometimes) and she got a little quiet, and then floored the chevy.

the pedal got STUCK down.

so she starts freaking out and i tell her to kick it - at this point we are closing in on 100 with regular traffic - she goes, i'm kicking it! i'm kicking it! - but we kept accelerating.

she finally got it loose at around 115mph.

it was soooo funny though... camaros :sigh:

[aceyx]

Originally Posted by BleMW

it was soooo funny though... camaros

We like to call them "Redneck Coffins" around here.

I think a Z28 could take an Exige (without looking at numbers) in a straight line. On a track, the Z28 would get lapped.


A friend's father got pulled over for speeding in his Porsche 930. Got the ticket, then 3/4 mile later, was pulled over again.

When the officer approached, as he handed his registration and license over, he asked:

"Uh, do I get a 2-for-1 discount?"

His old man is crazy.

[HuGo]

Originally Posted by aceyx

"Uh, do I get a 2-for-1 discount?"

Comedy.

Its like that joke dont ever say to an officer...

"Im letting you off on a warning"

"gee thanks officer, thats the second warning i get today"

[tastade]

Originally Posted by aceyx

We like to call them "Redneck Coffins" around here.

I think a Z28 could take an Exige (without looking at numbers) in a straight line. On a track, the Z28 would get lapped.

The base lotus will run mid 4 sec range 0-60 and low 13s in the 1/4 and the Z28 SS is low 5 seconds and mid 13s respectively. The benefit to weighing only 2000 lbs, or 1400 less than the Camaro, giving the exige a significantly better weight to power ratio.

The Exige S has 30 more horsepower than the Elise. So yeah, the Exige S would smoke the Camaro since the Elise is significantly faster already. The Exige S does 0-60 in about 4 seconds flat.

Moral of BleMW's story: If you are riding with a girl in her car, don't tell her that someone elses car is faster and better looking. Tell her that she drives the fastest, sexiest car in town, otherwise it is like saying "Hey honey, see that girl over there? Her knockers are a lot bigger than yours and she looks better because she doesn't have all this flab around the mid section."

[HuGo]

Originally Posted by tastade

she doesn't have all this flab around the mid section."

FUPA!