Really feeling depressed here.......Don't know why

[Tyler]

So i've been feeling really depressed lately,i mean really bad and i don't know why. I'm at the point where i can just cry at any given time and i'm starting to get a little worried.

Before i go on let me tell you some things. I've been depreesed before but a long time ago. When i was 13-14 i was depressed till i was about 16,meaning knowbody new i was. I comtemplated about well harming myself but always thought what it would do to the people i know. Once my parents found out i got help,i mean it took a long time to get back to normal. When i was 20 one of my friends got kiilled in a car accident 3 houses away from his. At the time i was on medication and new how to get my mind off of it and get passed it About a year later i was finally off my meds. In 2001 my mom passed away suddenly,it wasn't expected at all. This messed me up pretty good and i'm still messed up cause of it(5yrs later). She had a brain anuerism and was in acoma for about a week untill she passed. I was at the hospital every day praying and just hoping she could hear me. I was in the hospital holding her hand when she finally did pass,which i'm kind of thankful for. I've dealt with **** i wouldn't wish upon anyone,not even my enemies if there are any. But lately i've been feeling down and i can't focus on anything else,it seems like my mind won't stay on one thing and just goes to something else. I don't know if it's cause of the weather,i haven't seen blue sky in about a week just rain and clouds. I'm kind of thinking this is the reason since i haven't had any problems for awhile. But all weekend long and it's bugging me. I know i've said i lost my job last week but got another one in the same dept,just doing something else. All day long i felt like crap and i don't show it at work i'm my normal self cracking jokes etc. When i'm feeling hurt/down i never show it unless i'm by myself. I really don't know why i'm saying this stuff to all of you,none of you know me so i guess thats why i feel comfortable talking about it. I currently don't have insurance so i just can't go to the doctor. I'm just stuck in a ditch on the side of the road and can't climb out of it,nothing i do or think about is helping me get out. All i keep thinking about is i can't go down this road again,it messed me up back then and i don't hink i can handle going through this again.

I don't know why i'm saying all this but as i typed what i said above it has made me feel a little better just by saying all of this.

[stormos]

i had a similar issue with stress. Let it get saoo bad i had to take 2 weeks off work to rest. i hated talking about my issues, but once you get them out to who you want to it all seems to dispurse.

[Tyler]

I've never been stressed out i try not to let things bother me. This just came out of the blue and has been getting worse each day. I have no answers to the way i'm feeling,nothing has changed and nothing is new so i just don't know why this is happening. I haven't been on meds since i was about 20-21. I never went on them after my mom passed just cause i knew how to think and not let it get me down. pLus my friends where always there to help out in any way they can. I just don't get it...

[city]

Hey man, just hang in there. Happens to the best of us, maybe its just something in the air... trying rolling something up and have a little you time.

[cali-ti]

if you believe it may have to do with the lack of sunlight, try doing some searching around on the 'net for lights that produce near sunlight - i know they make them just for the reason you state. that may well help. it's certainly possible that your brain chemistry is off and for that, you should certainly see a doctor for help. i guess i'd try natural (light) solutions first, but don't let it get too bad to the point of suicidal thoughts or such. reaching out for help is certainly a good first step.

[hubrisin]

tyler- yeah we all have curve balls and **** we don't deserve thrust upon us, it's hard, and not easy. what you've been through i can't imagine, you're tough and you've made it this far and that's something to be proud of. it's natural to go through periods of depression; counter-acting depression with light therapy, and exercise will help, sex too will not hurt either.
you need a break, a change in scenery, go to NYC for a weekend, stay at a nice hotel, get out of your eniviroment for 72 hours.
depression is sneaky like that, you'll get through it, i won't be easy, but you'll do it.

[L84THSKY]

I'm generally a positive and happy guy. Once in awhile I get a wave of depression that comes over me. The moment it happens, here is what I do. I Ask myself,"What do I have to be depressed about". I evaluate each major aspect of my life.......my son, my job, my school and my relationship(s). If I can find anything to be depressed about, I convince myself that my depression is unfounded, and therefore force myself to snap out of it.

It's about soul searching, evaluating your life on a quarterly basis. Look yourself in the mirror and ask yourself how things are going. Most of all, be positive and DO NOT let negativity crawl into your life.

The biggest influence in shaping the person I am today is....Jackson Browne. I listen to his music for wisdom and insight. His music doesn't provide the answers, but provides the questions. The answers are inside of me, it's my job to find them.

Cheer up, and most of all, GO BACK TO SCHOOL, and never stop. It's very self empowering.

Originally Posted by Tyler

I've never been stressed out i try not to let things bother me. This just came out of the blue and has been getting worse each day. I have no answers to the way i'm feeling,nothing has changed and nothing is new so i just don't know why this is happening. I haven't been on meds since i was about 20-21. I never went on them after my mom passed just cause i knew how to think and not let it get me down. pLus my friends where always there to help out in any way they can. I just don't get it...

[TiPerformance]

I am 21 and I feel exactly like you alot of the time.
I had it rough growing up, bad family situations, I have always found it hard to make new friends because I have never fit in with the rest of the group. I don't classify myself as a prep and I am not a punk, and I am not a nerd, and around here you have to be in one of the groups or you just don't fit. I have always felt like an outcast, sure I get along with almost everyone and can talk to any clique of people but it all ends there.

I have had suicidal thoughts, and have been on edge several times mainly because I felt alone and that no one cared. I never went through with it and I think a big part of it was that I broke down and begged God for mercy. I am not saying that is what anyone should do but it worked for me.

I will say that life has gotten alot better for me, over the past 1-2 years and I can gurantee that yours will too. Just hang in there, think positively and try to surround yourself with people that care about you.



I have fought with thoughts of s

[DeadpaN]

i don't about R.I. but here i found a free mental health clinic in SF. it was really helpful when i went through a bad spell & while un-insured. meds were free as were clinic visits....or else clinic drop-ins were like $10. if you've had success with medication before, i'd consider using it again. it can be helpful for situational depression too, however i've always looked at SSRI's and the like as no different than needing glasses for nearsightedness for example. some's got good eyes, some's got good neurotransmitters. if you do want to talk in a clinical setting for confidentialities sake, you can usually get free or discounted therapy sessions through internship programs for grad students; if you have nearby colleges/universities. it sucks to feel bad for no reason.

[Den]

http://www.nmha.org/infoctr/factsheets/27.cfm
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is a mood disorder associated with depression episodes and related to seasonal variations of light. . .younger persons and women are at higher risk(because older males are perpetually angry. )

[1996 328ti]

Originally Posted by Den

Seasonal Affective Disorder

I get that every year from December to March. Everything bugs me. Mostly work. People even see it in my replies online. I just deal with it until driving school season starts.

[96cali]

I feel for you, I really do. Sounds like you carry some kind of associative guilt for what has happened around you. Maybe you were made to belive you were wrong or to blame for other things you had no control over?

There have been some good suggestions you should seriously consider. Antidepressants are no big deal, especially to help you out short term. For me, finding someone to talk to was key though. For a while I unloaded on friends and my girlfriend-later-wife but decided I needed an independent and professional approach. I came to realize all this guy is is a life coach. Kind of removes the stigma of being in "therapy".

The other thing that I think may help is getting a pet. If you adopt a dog or cat they are happy as hell to have a home and love you long time every day you walk through the door. There is nothing like throwing a ball or a stick and playing fetch. I had a cat for 11 years that just recently died. When I was stressed and could not sleep I'd go find him. His purr put me out like a light.

Interesting thread- no surprise that 99% of us have an inner side that's kind of messy. Thanks for showing yours. Peace.

[aceyx]

Originally Posted by 96cali

Interesting thread- no surprise that 99% of us have an inner side that's kind of messy. Thanks for showing yours. Peace.

It's just a part of being human. That remaining 1% are the people who are freakishly happy, then go smearing paste on their face like the kindergarden teacher in Billy Madison. Which . . . isn't really healthy.

I sent you an email, but a good way to handle this--if writing helps--might be to start a blog. Join myspace, xanga or livejournal and just hack out some words. Join some groups and get strangers to throw advice at you. It helps if you're outgoing at first. More often than not, somebody can relate.

[nick_hegel]

Originally Posted by aceyx

then go smearing paste on their face like the kindergarden teacher in Billy Madison.

[PettitWC]

Hey man, sorry to hear that you're feeling down. I can't really relate to your specific situation but a couple things that help me (more for short term though):

Take my dog for a long walk to a park and play with him
Watch a funny movie/cartoons
Go for a nice drive in the country or through a forest or something
Go for a run or work out

or you could always go play/watch hockey (i noticed you were a fan)

anyways, just some stuff that works for me sometimes. It's good to see you're talking about it though instead of bottling it up.