Visitation with my son....

[teetime4one]

as some of you know...i have been to Oregon to attend court in order to establish visitation with my son Jordan. the judge ordered me to return to Oregon to have "visitation on his turf prior to being allowed to travel to Colorado for visits on my turf."
the judge suggested that i come back to Oregon two times before he makes his decision.
so, that's what i did.

now the sh!tty part....
i have mediation with my sons mother on Friday (the 25th) in order to come up with a set schedule for him to come here.
i talked to his mother...she thinks every other X-mas and two weeks during the summer is sufficient. THAT'S NOT SUFFICIENT! THAT'S INSULTING!!!
so, i went online and looked at his school schedule to see when he is off...and this is what i am asking for...
5 days at spring break
5 days at winter break with him at my place every other X-mas
60 days during summer break

that's 70 days a year....she'll have him for 295
am i asking for too much?
she thinks so...and she plans to fight it out so that i only get the 19 days per year that she thinks IS SUFFICIENT.

IS IT JUST ME OR IS THAT FCUKIN' WACK?

thanks for listening to me rant,
Sean

P.S. the judge will decide when we can't reach an agreement at mediation.
that's when i'll ask for 182 days a year and let him decide when my son should be here with me and his step-mother. i'll bet a dollar to a dog turd i get more then the 19 days she thinks i should have. lol

[elchicano]

I think what your asking for is fair. Many guys out there wouldn't even bother and they would ditch the kids. Your ex should appreciate your efforts, if i was you fight it. 19 days is nothing, but yea keep us updated.

[BakeR318]

Originally Posted by elchicano318ti

I think what your asking for is fair. Many guys out there wouldn't even bother and they would ditch the kids. Your ex should appreciate your efforts, if i was you fight it. 19 days is nothing, but yea keep us updated.

+1...definitely fight for it man. I don't know the circumstances, but you seem to be a good guy and theres no obvious reason why you shouldn't be able to see your kid more than 19 days a year.

[96cali]

Unless you were deemed unfit guardian at some point, had drug issues, arrests, etc I would think you're respect for the court and determination to have him be part of your life would get you the time you want. Maybe stipulate he will have his own room, fixed up well, has cousins there, how you can enroll him in activities there, etc? Spend some time thinking about how you would advance his life right now, as if he were with you long term. That may help spawn ideas that will impress a judge.

[larryn]

I hope you get what you what. Being without my kids would rip my heart out, regardless of marriage status.

Either way, we don't have all the facts that the judge has at his/her disposal, and I can only hope that the judge makes a sound and fair judgement for all three parties involved (most of all, fair to your son).

[teetime4one]

thanks for the support regarding this issue.
i am doing all i can do to ensure that the courts will be satisfied with every effort i'm making in regards to my son. i have made plans for him to attend a summer swim camp at the local fitness center. i would also like to get him into hockey...i played as a kid and it was a blast! i think he'd like it.
the reasoning behind his mothers idea that 14 days during the summer is adequate...he'll be in baseball from February 2nd (try-outs) 'til about August 14th.
then he starts football right around the start of the school year.

i talked to my son before i made my 70 day request to her...he stated that he wanted to spend his entire summer break here with me and my wife.
shouldn't that count for something?
im not pressuring him at all...i only want what's best for him...and he'll have an open airline ticket if he feels that he would rather be at home with his mom.
i've dotted all of my I's and crossed all of mt T's...
i'm just 100% insulted to no end with this womans disrespect for me and my wife....19 days!
thanks again for the thoughts and words of advice.

[thesk8nmidget]

hey sean i completely agree you should get a hell of a lot more than even 90 days.

the only thing that does make it hard is the fact you live a thousands miles away.

i know when i was growing up my parents divorced and it would be about 50/50 then as time went by it would be just whomever i felt i wanted to spend time with i would. im glad my parents got over the whole deal and are now very talkative because they shared 3 children. they did eventually realize that they needed to do whats best for the kids not for themselves.

i think the ex needs to have a reality check and start realizing its not all about her! a kid needs a mother and a father! and since 50/50 isnt very possible because of school. it should be made up for as much as possible. your son wants the summer with you and some time during his school breaks then he should have it!

women are crazy Sean you gotta power over them and keep fighting for whats best for the kids. and i hope she too can do that! she just needs to get over her big power trip of i want want want! and start asking her own child maybe what he wants for once!


keep me updated and feel free to shoot me a pm anytime.
i think you have my number too.


-Josh

[L84THSKY]

I've been through all this myself. A few facts may help shed light on the circumstances. How long have you been separated/divorced, is she remarried yet, ? My ex wanted to make my life miserable for sending her back to the states, when we lived in Germany. Until a woman gets over the bitterness, and moves on, you will suffer for her behavior. When my ex finally remarried, the new husband told her to leave me alone, it just adds aggravation on him.

First the ex tries to stop you from spending time with your child, then they can't wait for you to take them of her hands.

Time may work everything out. As long as you have been a good father, the judge will NOT give you less, than you deserve.

[b.u.ti-ful]

Hey teetime, as a completely disinterested party, I think what you are asking for is totally normal, sane and sound. I don't see why a judge wouldn't think so too.


Then again, she has to make sure the kid gets to school every day while you pluck the cherry dates when its all play time!

You'll probably send him home with tats and a hockey haircut.

[cali-ti]

hopefully something more equitable can be achieved that will allow you to spend quality time with your son. i don't believe 19 days/year is enough. if she was willing to put herself in your shoes, i'm guessing she'd see that, but probably doesn't want to.

[teetime4one]

lol...that last one kills me! thanks b.u.ti-ful

i'm so very thankful for everyone who has taken the time to offer me helpful words of wisdom and advise.
i stick to my guns on this one guys...my son is 11 and is absolutely heartbroken each time i leave Oregon.
there is no reason for me to believe that a court would lean towards her idea that 19 days a year is sufficient.
i am a stable man....married, 35K a year at work, good health...and not a threat to my son or his well being.
well see what happens on friday.

[thesk8nmidget]

no worries bro this will work out in your favor!

[teetime4one]

right on

[DustenT]

When my parents got divorced they agreed on 50/50 visitation. That worked out well for them (single one week, parents the next) but made it awful for myself and sister. Remember that your son is doing a lot of social development during these years and think about how spending the entire summer away from his school mates and friends is going to be for him.

You ex is going after child support, that's why she wants to limit your visitation time. More time with son=less child support. It sucks, you'll probably have to pay if you aren't already, but it's part of being a father. People can get very emotional about money and it's hard for a young person to comprehend that, don't get kids involved with child support, it gets ugly.

When I was 13 I was able to pick who I wanted to live with. It was an easy choice for me. So, no matter what happens, remember that eventually it will be up to your son.

[teetime4one]

good call Dusten...
i do pay child support...to the tune of $700.00 per month.
i have done this for 11 years....and i still only ask for 70 days a year...no cut in support.
i too had parents that divorced...i had a hard time going to stay with my dad because he didn't pay my mother support.
so, i know how it all works.
right on